How Does the Option Method Work?
A Sample Dialogue by Deborah Mendel
The experience of working with an Option Method Practitioner is like sitting down with an old friend or confidant. Their skill lies in their ability to be present with you with a non-judgmental attitude of acceptance and exploration. At the same time they will guide you along your own path with the Option Method Questions.
It is through this very gentle but yet dynamic experience that I recommend that you learn the Option Method. In a short time the Method can become like second nature to you, a gift that you can rely on for the rest of your life. To give you an idea of what a session with a practitioner is like, here is a portion of an actual Option Method session I had with a client recently.
The Option Method Questions are are repeated as the session progresses. This example will give you a sense of how the Option Method Questions are used during a typical session.
Practitioner: How might I help you today? What is bothering you?
Client: I feel so miserable. I broke up with my boyfriend. We were engaged, living together, and he changed his mind. I’ve moved out. I’ve just spent my first two weeks in my new apartment. I’m simply beside myself with grief. I just don’t know what to do.
Practitioner: What is there about breaking up and moving out that you feel miserable about? What do you mean?
(Note that in the Option Method we always use the language of the client. She said she felt “miserable”. This is essential because it helps the client hear what they are believing. Identifying our beliefs is the key to this method.)
Client: I don’t know. I miss him so much. I can’t imagine a life without him. I thought we were perfect for each other. Sure, we had the usual relationship struggles, but on the whole we really seemed to be great together. I made a commitment and now it’s all gone. I just can’t imagine being happy without him.
Practitioner: Why can’t you be happy without him? What do you mean?
Client: I mean, I guess I’ll be okay eventually, but really okay, really happy? How can I be? I had hope for the future and now it’s all over.
Practitioner: I understand that you felt you were great together and that you were happy together, but now that it is over, why can’t you be happy like that again? Why can’t you hope for the future?
Client: For the first time in my life I felt safe. I felt truly connected to someone. I felt I had a true partner, someone who understood me. I felt that I could do anything, that we could do anything.
Practitioner: So, if I understand you, you are saying that this feeling you had of connectedness and partnership gave you hope for the future?
Client: Yes, exactly. It seemed that we could conquer anything and whatever we couldn’t didn’t matter because we had each other. I felt confident and strong.
Practitioner: Why can’t you feel confident and strong now that you are not with him? What to you mean?
Client: I don’t know. I thought I needed someone in my life in order to have that feeling. Although there were many times in my life before I met him that I overcame some very big obstacles.
Practitioner: What are you afraid it would mean if you were not feeling this lack of strength and confidence? In other words, what are you afraid it would mean if you were to feel not just okay but actually looking forward to a positive future?
Client: Well, that would be like saying or acting as if our whole breakup doesn’t matter to me. That I could take it or leave it, the marriage, I mean.
Practitioner: Is that true?
Client: No, of course not. I still love him very much. I wouldn’t want him to think I didn’t care.
Practitioner: Couldn’t you tell him that?
Client: Yes, I suppose I could. Actually he probably knows this already. But I could express it again to him sometime.
Practitioner: How do you feel now?
Client: I feel much better, much less afraid of the future and sick over this whole affair. I feel as those I can imagine myself moving forward now. But, I feel a little anxious about what my future holds and what to do. I’d like to talk about that now.
This was just the beginning of her session, but already she had begun to feel better. Through the use of the Option Method Questions she was just beginning to expose her beliefs. It’s like peeling open an onion. The Option Method helps you get to the core beliefs that are causing your unhappiness. We all have our own reasons for feeling as we do. The Option Method Questions helps you identify your reasons.
Experience a dialogue with Deborah Mendel or learn how to use the Option Method on your own with the workbook Be Happier Now-The Option Method Workbook.
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